01011: Life

Today I almost killed myself... knife at my wrist... I don't know what
stopped me! Don't know much any more... though I am figuring it all out soon.
I've just now realized something.... I thought of this as my dad was telling
me I couldn't leave tonight to be with my friends... I've noticed I've been
lied to... The saying "Enjoy your childhood, its the best years of your life"
has been told to me one million to many times. I couldn't leave tonight
because I've been out two other nights this week.. WOW I'm 17... almost an
adult.. they say I must act like an adult(WORK WORK WORK) Well.... If I'm an
adult.. then why can't I fuck, smoke, drink, and do what I want? I've been
pondering on this for a while! Well.. If I'm adult, then I must have either
not had a child hood, or a hand full of days last summer was my whole child
hood... WELL, I'M NOT READY TO BE AN ADULT... I just want to be happy... they
spend $30 a week on thearapy for me... just so I can "be happy" Well... If
they want me to be happy, they should fucking listen to what I'm saying... I
was told before I wrote this... from my dad... that I needed to go to bed at
night.. and not be on the internet at night... and that I needed to stop
going out with my friends all the time... and that I should work for him
during the days and earn some money... Well.. you want my opinion??? I DON'T
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MONEY!!! I've got a job that pays all my bills. I've always
got money for gas. I always have money for books, Cds, and a very nice car
sterio... I'm not money greedy... And I'm just wondering on one thing now...
he restricts me now... like I'm a little baby.. whats going to happen when I
turn 18, and he can't hold me back anymore... What will happen???