10011: Deep Thoughts
By: Craqhore!1. Nothing?
Okay, one has something and one has nothing. The opposite of something is nothing, right? Well... nothing has a definition as an abstract concept, the opposite of something, the state of no substance being there. However, this means that nothing is something! This means that the opposite of something is something! This is confusing and discordian enough in and of itself, but this means that there is now NO opposite to something! Thus, the existence of an opposite to something is null--NOTHING! Therefore, nothing is the opposite of something! But nothing is something... thus the existence of the opposite of something is something... and therefore something is once again the opposite of something. Thus, there is no longer an opposite of something... its existence once again is reduced to nothing!
Well, you get the picture (or not), and I'm frankly sick of this intellectual masturbation. I'll leave it to you to find a solution. Email all solutions to this paradox to spamman@erols.com for publication.
2. Birds?
While watching "Learning to Fly" video I realized that many people envy the ability of birds to fly... indeed, many people have died trying to fly.
Then I wondered: Do snakes ever look at other animals, and say: "I wish I could JUMP, just once?" Or trees (if trees were sentient) say: "I wish I could MOVE, just once?"
Probably not.
3. Writer's block
I now have what can be termed writers block. Much like sun block, writers block is applied to the body in an attempt to block harmful UV rays to the head which stimulate brain activity.
THE HISTORY OF WRITER'S BLOCK
Writers block has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. Before there was writing, writer's block was simply called "Block." Before there were blocks, it was called "." Writer's block was used by Sumerians as a replacement for mud blocks in building. This is evident in the fact that mud blocks were used, in a bizarre switch, for writing cuneiform script. Yet, writer's block (and its cousin the Stumbling block) have always made poor construction materials, easily dissolved by willpower, creativity, and silliness. Baked writers block, unlike baked mud brick, was even weaker because when you're baked, you can seem to come up with interesting ideas more easily.
The roman empire made heavy use of the writer's block, which was set up in the center of each town forum. A local writer, or "escritore," would stand upon the block and auction off his books. Needless to say, the writer's block was driven into obscurity upon the rise of the christian emperors, being a symbol of paganism, and replaced by the auction block.
During the middle ages, writer's block was in hiding, as auction blocks took over the environmental niche once held by writers block. Weakened by competition for food, territory, and compounded by the fact that nobody could read or write, writer's blocks became all but extinct. Luckily, a gargantuan revival of latin culture (get it? "gargantua" is from the Latin for "throat". Throat culture? haha) led to a revival of writer's block as Renaissance people began to write.
Today, however, Writer's block has been threatened by industrial pollution, namely that of the Engine block and the Building block. Such pollution has caused the writer's block to "lego" (get it?) it's grasp on its former territory. Today, Writer's blocks are not found in the wild, only in colleges.
APPLICATIONS OF WRITER'S BLOCK
PRICE OF WRITER'S BLOCK
Only $5.00 with a trial subscription to "Writer's Block Monthly." This month's headlining article: " ."
Okay, one has something and one has nothing. The opposite of something is nothing, right? Well... nothing has a definition as an abstract concept, the opposite of something, the state of no substance being there. However, this means that nothing is something! This means that the opposite of something is something! This is confusing and discordian enough in and of itself, but this means that there is now NO opposite to something! Thus, the existence of an opposite to something is null--NOTHING! Therefore, nothing is the opposite of something! But nothing is something... thus the existence of the opposite of something is something... and therefore something is once again the opposite of something. Thus, there is no longer an opposite of something... its existence once again is reduced to nothing!
Well, you get the picture (or not), and I'm frankly sick of this intellectual masturbation. I'll leave it to you to find a solution. Email all solutions to this paradox to spamman@erols.com for publication.
2. Birds?
While watching "Learning to Fly" video I realized that many people envy the ability of birds to fly... indeed, many people have died trying to fly.
Then I wondered: Do snakes ever look at other animals, and say: "I wish I could JUMP, just once?" Or trees (if trees were sentient) say: "I wish I could MOVE, just once?"
Probably not.
3. Writer's block
I now have what can be termed writers block. Much like sun block, writers block is applied to the body in an attempt to block harmful UV rays to the head which stimulate brain activity.
THE HISTORY OF WRITER'S BLOCK
Writers block has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. Before there was writing, writer's block was simply called "Block." Before there were blocks, it was called "." Writer's block was used by Sumerians as a replacement for mud blocks in building. This is evident in the fact that mud blocks were used, in a bizarre switch, for writing cuneiform script. Yet, writer's block (and its cousin the Stumbling block) have always made poor construction materials, easily dissolved by willpower, creativity, and silliness. Baked writers block, unlike baked mud brick, was even weaker because when you're baked, you can seem to come up with interesting ideas more easily.
The roman empire made heavy use of the writer's block, which was set up in the center of each town forum. A local writer, or "escritore," would stand upon the block and auction off his books. Needless to say, the writer's block was driven into obscurity upon the rise of the christian emperors, being a symbol of paganism, and replaced by the auction block.
During the middle ages, writer's block was in hiding, as auction blocks took over the environmental niche once held by writers block. Weakened by competition for food, territory, and compounded by the fact that nobody could read or write, writer's blocks became all but extinct. Luckily, a gargantuan revival of latin culture (get it? "gargantua" is from the Latin for "throat". Throat culture? haha) led to a revival of writer's block as Renaissance people began to write.
Today, however, Writer's block has been threatened by industrial pollution, namely that of the Engine block and the Building block. Such pollution has caused the writer's block to "lego" (get it?) it's grasp on its former territory. Today, Writer's blocks are not found in the wild, only in colleges.
APPLICATIONS OF WRITER'S BLOCK
- As a cure for writer's cramp.
- As a reliable substitute for H and R.
- As a cheap substitute for artist's burnout.
PRICE OF WRITER'S BLOCK
Only $5.00 with a trial subscription to "Writer's Block Monthly." This month's headlining article: " ."
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