About Me
By: Pat AdamsI'll start off with a little about myself and my surroundings. I live in the suburbs of Washington DC, an existence that makes me sick of who I am and what everything around me stands for. Deep down, I should be a city boy, inhaling the thick smog of the congested traffic and going to the corner coffee shop for my social interactions. Instead, I live among manicured lawns and pretty little housing developments. So who am I? I am a contradiction of beliefs. Everything I stand for and aspire to be I am not. Why does this not bother me? I have never tasted life other then the one I currently lead. I've never been mugged in a dark alley in the diseased heart of a metropolis. I've never felt the need to honk my horn at a traffic jam. I do carry on with my little life, day to day existence punctuated by the sleepful nights in the silent suburbs.
But what does this really mean? Not a damn thing. I am content with who I am. I've got a group of friends that provide endless amusement if I take the time out of my life to watch them. I started a company to alleviate the boredom that fills my waking hours. I joined the rat race and report daily for work. It is true that I enjoy work, but what would it be like living on my own without a job concerned about making ends meet? I am master of my domain, but I've realized that my domain is pitifully small and sheltered from the big scary polluted world out there.
Sitcoms in the evenings, concerts on the weekends. So utterly predictable and content. Does everyone live like this? I think not. But those that lead a life of adventure, how did they switch to the lives of those I watch on TV? Do they ever crave a return to the mundane lifestyle the might have led in the past? I lay awake at night pondering questions such as these, but without plunging feet first into the lives that I ponder, I will never know.
My life really consists of finding the right girl, the soul mate. I know she's out there. I can imagine meeting her, my breath taken from me like a punch to the stomach. But why do I search? If it was meant to be, wouldn't it just happen with no struggle from me? No, I don't think so. Everything in life is a struggle. If you don't fight, you die. Maybe not physically, but in some way. Part of you dies and you change. If you don't work to keep your head above water, you become lost in the murky depths that life has built for you. I'm not sure how or when I came to this realization, and unfortunately, I live my life the same as before even knowing it. Yes I'm drowning, but the euphoria I feel as my heart slows to a crawl is unbelievable. As much as I want to continue fighting for who I am, getting swept along with the current of abject surrender looks so enticing, so warm and simple.
Fight. Fight I say to myself, my mind crying out in alarm. Fight with everything I have left... But is there anything left? Who am I really? Am I not the one that gives in at the first sign of strife? I think so. So why am I fighting to be someone I am not? And just as I slip silently to the edge of the cliff of understanding, I awake from the dream...
But what does this really mean? Not a damn thing. I am content with who I am. I've got a group of friends that provide endless amusement if I take the time out of my life to watch them. I started a company to alleviate the boredom that fills my waking hours. I joined the rat race and report daily for work. It is true that I enjoy work, but what would it be like living on my own without a job concerned about making ends meet? I am master of my domain, but I've realized that my domain is pitifully small and sheltered from the big scary polluted world out there.
Sitcoms in the evenings, concerts on the weekends. So utterly predictable and content. Does everyone live like this? I think not. But those that lead a life of adventure, how did they switch to the lives of those I watch on TV? Do they ever crave a return to the mundane lifestyle the might have led in the past? I lay awake at night pondering questions such as these, but without plunging feet first into the lives that I ponder, I will never know.
My life really consists of finding the right girl, the soul mate. I know she's out there. I can imagine meeting her, my breath taken from me like a punch to the stomach. But why do I search? If it was meant to be, wouldn't it just happen with no struggle from me? No, I don't think so. Everything in life is a struggle. If you don't fight, you die. Maybe not physically, but in some way. Part of you dies and you change. If you don't work to keep your head above water, you become lost in the murky depths that life has built for you. I'm not sure how or when I came to this realization, and unfortunately, I live my life the same as before even knowing it. Yes I'm drowning, but the euphoria I feel as my heart slows to a crawl is unbelievable. As much as I want to continue fighting for who I am, getting swept along with the current of abject surrender looks so enticing, so warm and simple.
Fight. Fight I say to myself, my mind crying out in alarm. Fight with everything I have left... But is there anything left? Who am I really? Am I not the one that gives in at the first sign of strife? I think so. So why am I fighting to be someone I am not? And just as I slip silently to the edge of the cliff of understanding, I awake from the dream...
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